HUMOR OF IGNORANCE
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
We have enough youth.
How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you..
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name..
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that three out of
four people make up 75% of the population
THE OLDER CROWD
A distraught senior citizen Phoned her doctor's
office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken For the rest of my life?'
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence Before the senior lady replied,
I'm wondering, then, Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
An older gentleman was On the operating table
Awaiting surgery And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon, Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, He asked to speak to his son
'Yes, Dad, what is it? ' 'Don't be nervous, son;
Do your best And just remember,
If it doesn't go well, If something happens to me,
Your mother Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife....'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it. This is so true.
I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
The older we get, The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me! I want people to know 'why'
I look this way. I've traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things No one tells you about
aging
Is that it is such a nice change From being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when You forget to pull it down.
When men cursed And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.
Two guys, one old, one young Are pushing their
carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention To where I was going.
The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too...'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'
The old guy says, 'Well, Maybe I can help you find her.. What does she look like?' 'The young guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, With red hair, Blue eyes, Long legs, And is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours.'
GREAT ADVICE FOR EVERYONE
Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker..
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
